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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?